hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
