And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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