I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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