He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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