So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
