i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
