Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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