My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
