Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
