This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
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I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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