Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i barfeds in our rink
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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