Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
