saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
