hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
