i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
