All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
