In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
