Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
