Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
