Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
