First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
