I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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