Whod you bang
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
