it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
