margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
