Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
