Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
