One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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