I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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