Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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