i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
