Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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