you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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