she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
