I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
