my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize