I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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