Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
