Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
