I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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