I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
