You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
