I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
