is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
