Please, let me fuck your mom
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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