i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
