piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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