So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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