My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
