I think im going to throw up on grandma
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
