Who did Billy Mays play for?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
