I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
