Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
