Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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