Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
