I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
