all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
