Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
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Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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