I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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