Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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