He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
