I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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