she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
