The maid of honor just puked.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
