Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
