all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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