Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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