he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
